Gotta Name My Blog was fortunate enough today to score an interview with holofeature heart throb, Blade Devon, the charming rascal whose imaging pad heroics in Underneath Dead Star catapulted him to cult hero status virtually overnight. The technical challenges in getting this interview from the Commonwealth were legion. We’re still not sure how we made it happen and we’re not sure we could fold space enough to reproduce the results. As it was, the holographic image of Blade that accompanied the transcript of the interview was impossible for our computers to translate, so we had to rely on Yahoo! Avatars to come up with a rough approximation of the man himself. We think we captured his personality quite well, don’t you? The following is pretty much the entire interview, except for the off-topic bits where Blade kept hitting on our GNMB correspondent.
GNMB: Thank you for taking time out of your busy shooting schedule to talk with us today, Blade.
BD: Happy to be here.
GNMB: Now, you haven’t been making holofeatures for very long, have you?
BD: Nearly three years now. Seems much longer than that.
GNMB: Already you’re getting typecast into the action hero role. First playing Rube in Underneath Dead Star…
BD: My breakout role.
GNMB: …which is fast becoming a cult classic. Then you moved on to Dwarf Star Incident, and then Fire and Ice. In all three holofeatures you played a two-fisted action hero.
BD: The old adage is to play to your strengths and you’ll never go wrong.
GNMB: Your bio says that you’re a former Inner Circle Agent, but I find that hard to believe.
BD: Why is that so hard to believe?
GNMB: Why would the Inner Circle allow a former operative to take on such a high-profile career?
BD: I’m afraid you’ll have to ask the IC for the answer to that. I’m not authorized to speak for the organization.
GNMB: I did ask the IC and they confirmed that you did, in fact, join the Consular Guard at the age of sixteen and were trained in Search and Rescue, beyond that, they had nothing to say.
BD: Then I guess I was never actually an IC operative so they shouldn’t care one way or another how I choose to make a living, should they?
GNMB: Aren’t you concerned that you’ll be brought up on charges for falsifying your military service?
BD: I’m more concerned with hitting my marks, remembering my lines and not showing up on set blind drunk or hung over.
GNMB: So despite the fact you’re discounted as a glorified stunt man, you take your roles seriously?
BD: I leave the stunt work to my brother, Chase. That’s real work. On the types of holofeatures I’ve made, the stunt performers have the hardest jobs on the set. My brother puts in far longer hours than I do, and he’s the one risking death and injury just to get the most exciting shots. If the critics are going to dismiss me, they should do it for all the right reasons, saying that all I do is look pretty and make sure they get my good side. Calling me a glorified stunt man is actually a compliment.
GNMB: You got your start in holofeatures working for your brother as a stunt performer, didn’t you?
BD: Yes, when I left the IC… I mean, when Chase got tired of letting his freeloading little brother sit around on his sofa all day watching the holovid and drinking his liquor, he told me that either I drove in this one gag, or I looked for a new place to live. So not wanting to live on the street, I agreed. The producer thought I was pretty and next thing I knew, I was making holofeatures.
GNMB: It sounds like you don’t take your holofeature job any more seriously than you take the IC.
BD: Just because I treat everything with contempt doesn’t mean I don’t take anything seriously.
GNMB: Pintubo Racing has just announced that you’re one of their drivers for the upcoming racing circuit. Do you take that seriously?
BD: Of course I do. It’s what they pay me for. The contempt only comes out when there’s a proviso in my holofeature contract that won’t allow me to drive for Pintubo while working on a holofeature. Producers and investors tend to be reluctant to let their lead actors die in a fiery crash before they wrap shooting. They’re unreasonably touchy that way.
GNMB: How dare they?
BD: Well at least they’re honest enough to prefer that I die rather than be maimed or horribly disfigured. Death in that manner would make my last feature epic and legendary. There wouldn’t be any of this guano about being a glorified stunt man. The critics would sit around and point out the promise in my performance and the subtle genius of my portrayal. They’d speculate on how brilliant I would have been in a few more years. Retrospectives don’t have the same emotional impact if you’re merely disfigured.
GNMB: So what’s next for Blade Devon?
BD: I’m taking some time off to recharge before I start work on my next holofeature. Pintubo wants to enter me in next year’s Catarrh Endurance Rally. My brother is retiring from the Catarrh after his win last year and he’s already on board to be my crew chief. Other than that, I’m thinking of taking a cruise.
GNMB: Well, I hope you enjoy your cruise, Blade and best of luck in the Catarrh and on your next holofeature. Any hints on what we can expect from your next role?
BD: I’ve been told to get my singing voice into shape. It’s a musical, and my agent says there are no explosions in the entire script.
GNMB: Do you sing?
GNMB: That could be problematic.
Blade shrugged and flashed me his trademark lopsided grin. Once again, I was left to wonder whether he took anything seriously.